Hello everyone!

I want to let you all know that I have recently finished the report detailing our group’s experiences in Kenya. Each student and Karen wrote a personal piece which are included in the report along with many photographs, information about each of the travelers, about the orphanages, and the situations in Kenya.

It is a first draft, but I worked very hard on it to share the experience of our journey with all of you. I welcome any comments, questions or suggestions about the report! I hope you enjoy it!

Music Therapy in Africa Report 2007

Here is a video of the performance the kids at Shangilia put on for us on the first day we visited. They’re beautiful dancers, and they are so young! Most of the girls are around 10-13 years old. Enjoy!

This is part of a performance that the kids at Shangilia put on for us on the first day. Enjoy!

Maybe I am just following in suit behind Beth who made a similar post yesterday, but when I woke up this morning I decided to finally check the blog for the first time in a while.

Of course my mum has been checking it every day and telling me about all the posts, so I was prepared for what I was reading and seeing, but the video brought me back in ways I didn’t realize it would. I immediately broke down in tears for the first time since I have been back. My feeling have also been cut off and pushed away not wanting to deal with the depression and disconnect that we all were told to be prepared for.

My days at home have been filled with seeing old friends and new, catching up on the latest in my hometown, commuting to Boston as much as possible to keep busy and get away from my thoughts.

As I sit here with the utube video on repeat and the sound of the kids singing from my computer I feel as though I was just there yesterday, picking up Joseph and giving him my hat to wear all day, arm wrestling and playing “thumb war”, getting chased and tackled by five kids at once who are all yelling “Rooney” at me, trying to learn lyrics in Swahili from Charles. God I miss Charles so much, so so much, I miss all the kids so much. I’m not even in the video that was recorded because I was hiding in a back classroom with Joseph and John letting them take turns strumming the guitar while I made up songs and they sang along. My heart feels pain that I am not there, and that there is not more I can do at this time for the kids I fell in love with, all of the kids.

I miss the quiet kids, the ones that didn’t run up and grab your hands, or start singing really loudly the moment you taught them a new song, the kids that needed so much work just to get them to crack a smile, the kids you just wanted to hold all fucking day long and never let go of and tell them you would take care of them forever but you couldn’t.

I miss everyone that I traveled with and saw everyday for two weeks, I miss njeru and don. I miss my roomie Amanda (come back to us!), and as the thoughts and fears of being really done with Berklee start to settle in I realize that people like my roomie won’t be in Boston next year, and I have no idea where I’m going to be.

Even as I sit here and write I feel my guard start to go up, something in me that keeps me from letting me feel it all. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to talk to people about what my experience was like, in order for someone to get a true answer out of me, I would have to open my heart and let them look inside, I would have to break down in tears and tell them what every little step of the way felt like, I would have to explain exactly what it was like to walk away from the orphanage at the end of the day, get into a van, and try not to scream and punch the chair in front of me for the whole car ride back to our hotel, chocking back tears and thinking about the kids.

I am so happy that I had a chance to meet and work with you all. This was again a life changing experience for me. The energy you brought to the orphanage in Kenya was amazing. Its hard to explain in words.

When I left everyone after hearing that amazing song “Asante Sana” at Java house, I was filled with so much love and I knew then that my dream had come true. I was finally helping other musicians share the healing power of music. It was great to know that even without me the work can go on! Thank you all for sharing my dream.

The young people whose hearts you touched will never forget you or the experience. It does not matter that you are not there now, your touch will always feel like a warm fire burning in a cold winter and it will keep giving them hopeful even though they have sadness in their lives.

I know exactly how you feel right now, so many questions in your mind. I always get these feelings too. Sometimes its feelings of guilt, sadness, joy at the same time, and for me its mostly guilt that I am not doing enough to make the world a better place, feeling like I could do a lot more than what I am able to do right now. But over the years I have learned that even the little I do makes a big difference.

I have learned this from the letters I get from my fans and also from the orphans or refugees I have visited. This is just the beginning, you will make so many people happy in your life time. Please send my greetings to every one and let them know I love them all.

Mirembe (Peace)

Samite

Samite said we’d be depressed when we came back to the States, but I was honestly starting to think it just wasn’t going to happen. But this morning, waking up to Miriam’s cat meowing loudly at me and walking on my head, I felt sadness swirling around inside me for the first time since leaving Kenya. And surprisingly, I was glad to feel sad. Not feeling my feelings is very strange for me, since I’m usually a self-proclaimed emotional basket case.

I think my body was protecting me from the magnitude of the experience by numbing me. It’s like seeing something really intense or jarring–the mind just says, “okay, well this is too much for you to deal with right now, so I’m just going to shut down, and we’ll deal with this later.” It’s a protective mechanism, and it works really well.

But eventually, the feelings start to come back. I think to myself, “why am I feeling like this now? I already had the experience, and it’s over now. I shouldn’t feel sad now, I should be fine.” But that’s just not how it works.

I think I’m staying at Miriam’s place for the rest of the summer, which is aaaaaaawesome. What better way to process my emotions from the trip than to hang out with my roommate from the trip and go through it with her? I’m very grateful to her for offering me her living room. And I’m very excited to be back in Jamaica Plain, which is where I lived last year. It’s so much more laid back and beautiful than the city, which really helps with the transition back into “real life.”

I’m really just rambling now, but I wanted to say hi on the blog. I hope people keep reading and responding on here, it is such an amazing way to stay in touch. I can’t wait to put the report together with writings from all of us and pictures. And the DVD!! I have no idea when that will be put together, but I can’t wait.

Love you all very very very very very much.

-Beth

Oh, how these pages are hard to read. Coming home is comfortable, but not exactly comforting. I am struggling with the mundane chores and my calling to serve people drinks while listening to over played pop tunes and yelling out prices and change. I long to be back with the kids, when what I believed and what I was doing were congruent. I know now that my job is to keep the line strong and to continue to work towards more community, family, unity, (words from our song.) I do feel very fortunate to have the opportunities I do, (blessed to be a blessing,) but I am having a difficult time staying nonjudgemental and empathetic of the issues here. I suppose I am just finding the meeting point between two very different worlds both outside and inside myself. I want to go back. Now. Time to save up so that we can go deeper.

This is a video of one of the MANY times we sang “We Are One” with the kids… It was a song that we wrote shortly after we arrived and visited the orphanages. It became the theme song for the trip, embodying much of our experiences, especially the connections and unity that we all felt.

This video was taken at Shangilia, the second day that we were there.

Dear Friends and Family,

Although we have returned from our trip, this is not the end of our experiences and hard work, nor is it the end of this blog! You can still keep up with what we’re doing to continue our efforts. We will be posting more photographs, even videos, from the trip shortly!

We are all continuing to move forward, and this trip has propelled us in a very powerful way. Please stay in touch as things continue unfolding for the Music Therapy in Africa Group. We will need as much help, support and active involvement from everyone to continue with the momentum that we have gained. Thank you for being with us to make our dreams a reality. And keep checking back often for more posts! ]]> http://musictherapyinafrica.wordpress.com/2007/06/04/keep-reading/feed/ musictherapyinafrica shangilia.jpg