Finally starting to feel again

June 6, 2007 at 3:17 pm (Beth, Trip 2007)

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Samite said we’d be depressed when we came back to the States, but I was honestly starting to think it just wasn’t going to happen. But this morning, waking up to Miriam’s cat meowing loudly at me and walking on my head, I felt sadness swirling around inside me for the first time since leaving Kenya. And surprisingly, I was glad to feel sad. Not feeling my feelings is very strange for me, since I’m usually a self-proclaimed emotional basket case.

I think my body was protecting me from the magnitude of the experience by numbing me. It’s like seeing something really intense or jarring–the mind just says, “okay, well this is too much for you to deal with right now, so I’m just going to shut down, and we’ll deal with this later.” It’s a protective mechanism, and it works really well.

But eventually, the feelings start to come back. I think to myself, “why am I feeling like this now? I already had the experience, and it’s over now. I shouldn’t feel sad now, I should be fine.” But that’s just not how it works.

I think I’m staying at Miriam’s place for the rest of the summer, which is aaaaaaawesome. What better way to process my emotions from the trip than to hang out with my roommate from the trip and go through it with her? I’m very grateful to her for offering me her living room. And I’m very excited to be back in Jamaica Plain, which is where I lived last year. It’s so much more laid back and beautiful than the city, which really helps with the transition back into “real life.”

I’m really just rambling now, but I wanted to say hi on the blog. I hope people keep reading and responding on here, it is such an amazing way to stay in touch. I can’t wait to put the report together with writings from all of us and pictures. And the DVD!! I have no idea when that will be put together, but I can’t wait.

Love you all very very very very very much.

-Beth

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1 Comment

  1. MaryAnn/Mom said,

    Hi Beth,
    Sounds like you are doing the re-entry, with all its stages……..

    I heard the song on the blog, we are ONE …… WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a wonderful sound- and message.

    I hope you all copyright it…that way when it makes millions you can send the proceeds to your friends in Kenya and have that energy work for you all some more.

    love,
    Mom

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